Looking at how we turned out, with opposable thumbs and all, you would not be totally entirely wrong in thinking that Christmas crafting was predestined in our DNA.
According to Fossil Man (1970):
“The human hand is designed for gripping and is the end produce of an evolutionary process that began several hundred million years ago with the development of the Pterodactyl limb, which means five toes and five fingers.”
There you have it- Dinosaurs invented Christmas!
It’s hard to imagine a Pterodactyl doing Christmas crafts, but then again I just may just be acting deliberately obtuse.
In any case, while many animals use tools, as far as I know, humans are the only beasts to get involved in Christmas crafting.
While old school science texts are full of grandiose verbiage about mankind’s destiny as evolved artisans and toolmakers, it is doubtful that they were thinking about the Christmas sweater.
Like the gentleman above, humanity has a lot of good things under it’s belt: Stonehenge, the Pyramids, Space Flight. But these are only high points on a resume that also includes a lot of genocide and war.
Well, regardless of whether you think humans are Earth’s greatest artists or villains, this post is about Christmas so we’ll have to stow our philosophical arguments for another time.
So Christmas crafts- love them or hate them, and what to get the human who has everything?
Well not to worry- we’ve had the power in our hands to make all we needed for more than 10, 000 years.
Humanity has the ability to employ two types of grip, one for power and one for precision handling. Both give us the ability to change and remake our world.
So no need to fret about gift giving because we already have the greatest gift of all- grip. Which can now be augmented via special purchase at Canadian Tire.
If you don’t believe me just refer to the diagram below- and if you are confused on which one is early man, its the guy on the right wearing a suit.
Happy gift giving- and remember not to misuse the gifts of our pterodactyl ancestors by giving too freely of unsociable digits!